Original Year of Release: 1959

Genre: Horror

Rating: 3.5/5

The Mummy has gotten more remakes than it can possibly deserve to get. It has gotten to the point where the original Universal Horror mummy series’ plot is the equivalent of the zombie virus genre: the transmission of a contagious code into the DNA of other plots. Ironically enough, the most originality with a horror plot with a mummy came from a Tintin comic. And that’s only because they dared to go Aztec instead of Egyptian with their concept. At least I think there was a mummy storyline – nowadays I can barely remember the syllables to a spell after casting it (but don’t tell my acolytes that). Adding even further to the irony, amidst the mindless and soulless remakes we are getting now, we are getting a movie entitled the mummy and it is by one James Wan. Make no mistake, James Wan does had some movies that were less impressive than people give them credit for, Orcus the Vile is not so easily impressed as all that – but for the most part he is as good of a creative as people make him out to be. So it does make selecting the next congregational loyalty field trip much easier to decide on. While the hype is building, the inner circle of the Cabal – I mean my poker buddies and I – decided to do a private screening of the Mummy by Hammer Horror.

This movie really does show the ideas from all the lesser Universal sequels spliced into one movie – luckily this one movie is more competent than the movies it took inspiration from. You have Sir John who here is a much better character, you have the debonair servant of Karnac, here much less charismatic but also much less of an incel, and Kharis’s physical acting is a little bit more on point – maybe because of the eyes. Acting overall with all the other roles is about as decent as you would expect – we could have done better with Isobel as she lacks any motivation or goals of her own.

The effects are quite decent – fitting for hammer horror (when they have the budget mind you, some of their cheaper efforts come across as cheap), the one exception is Kharis’s casket which is obviously made of cardboard or plywood and painted over. And it would not be an issue if it was not featured in well over half of Kharis’s scenes. As a result immersion wise this has more of a fancy theater feel than a realistic movie feel.

We also need to address the creativity here – yes they took some plot elements from the Universal Movies – most of them in fact. However, some details, like the intricate procession of Princess Ananka, was something that makes this movie uniquely detailed. Also special commendation for never establishing a weakness for Kharis – we don’t mention the herbs, we don’t mention fire – all we know of him is that he is driven by god-given single minded purpose. This would be a writing oversight in some movies, but here it ads to the tension in the final scenes where the entire police force open fires on Kharis, and we as the audience along with the characters, hope and pray its enough to kill this unstoppable entity sent from pagan lands.

Some reactions of the characters were too pulpy to be natural, but some were at the emotional climax of the film and others were forced by virtue of other actions being due to plot elements from the Universal Series being followed. Fundamentally, aside from some glaring set problems and some lack of character depth, this movie is a perfectly serviceable remake of the Universal Horror series. And while it doesn’t add enough of its own to fully make it a classic in its own right, it is punching well above its weight class as far as remakes are concerned.

Original Year of Release: 1920

Genre: Horror/German Expressionism

Rating: 4/5

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is a film whose impact is felt more than it is known. Tim Burton loves himself these jagged angles and his fairground imagery. Cesare is the vogue look for the artsier goth kids, as well as for one of my best assassins – Brother Strangler. Now that I think about it, Brother Strangler does like his clove cigarettes and is impartial to the Cure too.

Incidental music for this specific streaming edition of the movie was odd, seemed suspiciously electronic, almost like they were playing to the audience by including a darkwave sounding ambient track and looping it. But without going down a rabbit hole, we can assume that maybe the incidental music of the original is lost media and throw them a bone. Because Orcus is not interested in the musical equivalent of some namby pamby goblin tiptoeing through the night before the movie shows a scrawny European straight out of his campus studio pull a sadistic expression as he strangles a kewpie doll looking girl in white in a portrait of sublime human tragedy – he is there to see the portrait in all its morbid decadence. And this movie does have stunning visuals. While the sets look cheap by today’s standards, the unearthly angles and matte paintings they have in the background is true art. And as far as art cinema goes, the story is good, and even just reading the words and following it visually, you jump and chuckle in glee at the sordid violence, and the twists and turns go like a knife in the gut. And do you know how thick Orcus the Vile’s stomach is? There are those who called him Orcus Ironguts for surviving no less than three poisoning attempts in one month while reigning as Warlord in the hinterlands of Bulgar.

It goes to show you what timeless storytelling can do. Even the characters have distinct motivations, and the film plays well off the manias of Franzis as he tries to expose Caligari, as well as the Doctor himself. One qualm Orcus has with characters are we don’t know as much about the motivations of Dr. Caligari. I understand the desire to keep him a mystery and let his mystique make him more memorable and deadly, but we need to know more about his motivations. To be fair, it doesn’t make the movie lesser, but it would do additional good to the film.

And that is the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. If modern assembly line cinema is slop to the through this is the sinful fondue of forbidden tastes and experimental cuisine. It is the antithesis of what film became later, and like its peer Nosferatu, has had a monumental cultural legacy that endures to this day.

Orcus hears there is a remake. Perhaps it is time to muster my Legions and set them on the warpath again so we may see if there is finally a remake that allows us to claim that we “revisited an old classic” without lying through our teeth.